Friday, October 12, 2012

Eight Hundred Fifty Eight All By Itself

One of the things I've learned and blogged about over the last few years is how to deal with fear. Deciding not to participate with fear has given me a strength I didn't know I had in many a situation. But as with anything we conquer, there are often set backs. They get weaker and fewer in number, but they come.

This morning I got an email that dropped a bucket of fear in my stomach. It's not important to know what it was about, only that it hit a weak spot in my world. A place I feel my family is tad vulnerable. I read the email twice and then forwarded it to Michael with a note asking him to help me not to panic. It was fear. I knew it was fear. And I played right along. I re-read the information at least four times. I refreshed the email page repeatedly waiting for Michael to write me back. I began creating multiple worst case scenarios in my mind and dwelling on them. It wasn't pretty.

In the midst of this, I checked my facebook and found the following in my newsfeed:
"Because today, when trying to remember just to breathe, you may need to: let go and lean. Lean back into Him. How to stop fears from stealing your joy."

Really? I mean how could I not click that? And as the music began to play and I began to read, I felt the fear slowly begin to diminish. I won't lie and say that it's gone. I'm still a bit anxious. But it's not debilitating. Instead, I'm choosing to believe that if this thing does happen, God will be there with us through every step of it. He'll help us find our way. We can lean on Him and surrender to the One who already knows. And while I'm at it, I can get a little perspective. It's not the end of the world. It's not even life changing. And it might not even happen.

I love when God sends a gift straight to my heart at exactly the moment needed for impact. Truly if I'd seen those words before the email came, I may never have clicked the link. I may never have read these words of reassurance meant for me today.

Today I'm going to lean. "Let go and lean back into Him.... The relief's in the release of everything into the hands of God. Isn't it all safer in His hands anyway?"

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