Thursday, August 19, 2010

Fear Not

One major, worrisome mountain conquered. One to go. Betcha can't guess what's still ahead. If you need a hint, read back over the previous two posts. Yes, it's the house selling and buying thing, but shhhh......we're not going to talk about that today. Everybody needs a break.

Instead let me tell you about last week. Last week Michael went away for eight entire days. He left early Saturday morning and didn't get home until the following Saturday night. He and five other people went to a week long Be In Health conference. (Maybe Michael will do a guest post to share what he learned.) We've been aware of this particular ministry for about 3 and half years now, because a friend of ours had a life changing experience there. Over the last few months, Michael and I have begun to explore the teachings more in depth and decided that one of us should go if the opportunity arose. It did and we sent Michael.

That left me at home with three kids for eight days. Day one was a blur. Michael left early and I had to get Daniel and Carrie to my parent's house so I could go to work. After work, my mom met up with me and we drove out to see the grand finale of Brenna's week at drama camp. It was an amazing production of The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe. Very loosely adapted and very funny. We brought her back to town and all of us spent the night at my parent's, attending church with them the next day.

So our week really began on Sunday afternoon. Here were my fears:

1. My number one fear was that I would not sleep. Ever since I was a teen, I have had a very difficult time sleeping when I'm home alone. I hear every last noise and my imagination runs wild. I usually spend two or three hours absolutely paralyzed with fear before I'm so exhausted my body falls into some kind of semi-sleep mode. I expected to be sleeping at my parent's house by Tuesday.

2. I worried that Daniel and I would drive each other so crazy he wouldn't live through the week. (Not literally, but almost.)

3. I wondered what I'd do if everybody decided to act up at the same time, or if they acted up consecutively to the point that I couldn't take it any more. What if I just couldn't think of anything else for everybody to do?

4. And I definitely had some fears about what Michael might be getting into in Georgia. What if he hated it from day one and then had to stay there all week?

Thankfully, not ONE of those things happened. Michael arrived in Georgia and had a wonderful experience there. So much so that we talked every night and twice on our phone, which was roaming. Yeah...roaming charges stink. We yakked up quite a bill, but I still think it was worth it. Later in the week he found a hot spot and was able to email some, but he only had an ipod. Thumb typing about big God stuff wasn't going to cut it. So he did some combination of borrowing phones and keeping Sprint in business.

The kids were very well behaved all week. Daniel only had one bad night - Sunday night, but after that he was great. I'd be willing to bet his punishment from Sunday set him straight for the rest of the week. Not only that, but my brother came by on Tuesday night and took him to the park. Daniel was so tired at bedtime that night, he could hardly keep his eyes open for prayers. It was glorious! :)

And you know what was best of all? I slept every single night. I cannot express what a miracle this is. I simply decided the very first night that I was not going to participate with fear. I prayed before I went to sleep and if the fearful thoughts started to enter my mind, I would actually say "I will not participate with fear, in Jesus name". Michael said he learned at the conference that the Bible says not to fear over 300 hundred times. Wow. I used to think the verse about God not giving us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7) was kind of unrealistic. I mean, really, how are we not supposed to have fears? or worry? or be anxious? That just seemed like something unattainable. Now I know better. In the past I was actively participating with that. I can, and now do, choose otherwise. God did not give me a spirit of who did? Yeah. Exactly. Fear is powerful if you let it be. So are worry and stress. And they tear your body down, too. Can you imagine how I would have handled this week if I had been sleep deprived? I can confidently say it wouldn't have gone so well.

So, now Michael is home and all is back to summer-normal. For one more week.
The 2010 school year is quickly approaching. No Fear.


Ginger said...

Thanks so much for sharing your heart! God is so good to meet you where you're at. I too CANNOT sleep when Eric is gone, I lie awake there worrying. What a blessing to take charge and claim God's promise. Now if I could just do the same for our future. *sigh* :) So glad your week of flying solo went well!

MomBrose said...

I had a similar experience in June when Brian was gone for two weeks!! I don't sleep well when I'm the only grown up home either. But I did the same thing (rebuked fear in Jesus' name) and I slept great (except for the girls kicking me in their sleep since we had a slumber party in my room the first week).