I don't really like going to get my hair cut. I've been thinking about why that is and I've come to the conclusion that I'm irritated by the fact that I have to pay $40 for my hair to look like it's supposed to for ONE day every 8-10 weeks. I want more return for my money. I mean if it's going to look like a squirrel's nest all the time anyway, what's the point? Every time I go, I get my hopes up that THIS cut will be the one that works. The one I can manage and duplicate every day. And every time, by week 2 I've already landed in the pit of hair dispair.
Such is the curse of wavy-not-curly-not-straight hair.
Once my hair reaches a certain length, it becomes too heavy to wave. That's how I know it's time to make another appointment. A few chops here and there bought me a couple of extra weeks this time, but even Michael's 1/2 inch cut around the bottom wasn't enough to stave off the salon. And when I had no choice, I had no choice.
But logic seemed to say that if it's going to look bad anyway (and this is no reflection on the stylists by the way - it's not their fault) why pay so much? And so I found myself on a chair in the front reception area of a national cheap-cut chain. I had brought Brenna along for a trim as well. The first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. All the chairs were full and three stylists were working, but no one said a word. Only the country radio station playing broke the silence.
Since I had checked us in online, we had barely a minute's wait and the next available stylist called me back. She draped me and began squirting water on my hair before she even asked what I wanted done. As I talked she sprayed, not caring what she hit so that before long water ran down my cheek. She began cutting, never pinning anything up out of the way. She asked, "long layers or medium?" and other than, "look down" and "is that better?" when she was done, she really didn't say much of anything. She took the razor to the back of my neck at the end and I had to fight the urge to scrunch my shoulders up tight and protect my skin. Razor burn. I was glad to be finished.
Brenna hopped in the chair for her spray down and got a similar wordless treatment. "An inch off?" was all she said and then she combed hair over the face and down the front hard enough to hurt. Nose, ears, forehead were apparently all in the way. As she worked, the man next to me began to get impatient for his turn. He took the ladies to task for allowing Brenna and I to go ahead of him. Another stylist patiently explained that we had checked in online but he wasn't buying it. He told her he worked in customer service and first come should be first served. She apologized for his wait and assured him he was next, but he was still very agitated.
Shortly after, Brenna finished and I stepped up to pay. $24. Total. For BOTH of us. (Plus razor burn, comb marks, the silent treatment, and grumpy customers.) And the woman finally smiled as she explained that there are coupons on the back of the grocery store receipts for $7.50 cuts.
Brenna made me promise not to take her back to that national chain. I
think she'd rather I trim her split ends, than have her face combed off
by an angry stylist. I guess I understand. It was quite the experience
we had. In fact, I've decided to go ahead and start making my next appointment. Eight weeks from now with a friend who works from her home and cut my hair for ten years before we moved to this house. I think I miss her. Even if my hair is going to look like unwound thread nine of the ten weeks between cuts, at least she makes the actually cutting experience enjoyable.
After our cuts, we walked next door to Kroger and I let Brenna pick out what to have for dinner. She chose kale, cottage cheese, and little smokies. I'm not kidding.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Nine Hundred Eight Through Nine Hundred Nineteen
On the homestretch to 1000! But knowing His gifts will never stop, and smiling because of it.
908. babysitters my kids love
909. new friends
910. a new beginning with fresh hope
911. two beautiful days in the middle of January, where the windows can be opened and the house aired out
912. Benjamin sitting in the front of the Target cart for the first time
913. letting Brenna pick out all the parts of a dinner meal at Kroger
914. learning new tricks for wheat
915. that my cold isn't too severe and didn't bring a headache or sinus infection
916. new understandings of Scripture
917. quilting
918. snow days
908. babysitters my kids love
909. new friends
910. a new beginning with fresh hope
911. two beautiful days in the middle of January, where the windows can be opened and the house aired out
912. Benjamin sitting in the front of the Target cart for the first time
913. letting Brenna pick out all the parts of a dinner meal at Kroger
914. learning new tricks for wheat
915. that my cold isn't too severe and didn't bring a headache or sinus infection
916. new understandings of Scripture
917. quilting
918. snow days
Monday, January 14, 2013
Eight Hundred Ninety Five Through Nine Hundred Seven
It seems monumentous that I've crossed the nine hundred mark. On my way to one thousand and giving thanks.
895. The way Benjamin pulls the fabric of his pjs to his mouth as he gets ready to go to sleep
896. The Proper Pie Company
897. Teaching Carrie dot to dot
898. playing fun games at the table during dinner
899. when Daniel cracks himself up
900. sharing Bible study with Brenna
901. teaching Brenna about current events (whatever they're talking about on WRVA) on the way to dance class.
902. the rainbow seen all over the city this morning
903. my new boots
904. smoothies
905. being busy at work and actually feeling like I helped someone
906. finding out you're not alone in something
907. finishing a book
895. The way Benjamin pulls the fabric of his pjs to his mouth as he gets ready to go to sleep
896. The Proper Pie Company
897. Teaching Carrie dot to dot
898. playing fun games at the table during dinner
899. when Daniel cracks himself up
900. sharing Bible study with Brenna
901. teaching Brenna about current events (whatever they're talking about on WRVA) on the way to dance class.
902. the rainbow seen all over the city this morning
903. my new boots
904. smoothies
905. being busy at work and actually feeling like I helped someone
906. finding out you're not alone in something
907. finishing a book
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Merry Christmas to Me!
My box came today! I used my Christmas money to buy some new things for the kitchen!
A flaker (for flaking oatmeal) - that attaches to my Bosch mixer
And a dehydrator!
I can hardly wait to get started!! But first - I have to go to the dentist to get fitted for a crown....
Monday, January 07, 2013
Eight Hundred Seventy Nine Through Eight Hundred Ninety Four
Joining with others - 1000 gifts.
879. The way Ben likes to lay still and be held after he finishes his bottle.
880. That Carrie can catch and hold her dresser up like a weight lifter. (She's fine.)
881. peace
882. my cousin's little boy, Lucas
883. Reforming Marriage
884. scotchies that Michael and the kids made while I was at work
885. quiet nights at home
886. my parents keeping all four kiddos so Michael and I could go to dinner and a movie
887. halo sleep sacks
888. Les Mis
889. the grocery store after the kids go to bed
890. Fisher's caramel popcorn
891. Emma's boots
892. Brenna being Carrie's buddy on Sunday mornings, getting her ready for church
893. kids singing country music
894. new ideas
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Hmph!
Looks like 2013 decided to start with a few knock outs to the old ego...
_____________________
While we were watching a slideshow of family pictures -
Daniel: "Mom, your nose looks like you got stung by a bee!"
(Thanks for pointing out my ever-red nose, bud.)
_____________________
Yesterday morning I told Carrie to go take her pull up off and put on a pair of underwear. A few moments later she returned with a pair of my underwear in her hands.
"MOM! Look at these really big underwears!"
_____________________
This morning we were hanging out in my room so I could get a few things done.
Me: "Carrie - where're you going?"
Carrie: "Downstairs"
Me: "No, you can't go down there by yourself. You need to stay up here with me."
Carrie: "Uh..no. I don't want to be with you anymore." So matter of fact.
_____________________
While we were watching a slideshow of family pictures -
Daniel: "Mom, your nose looks like you got stung by a bee!"
(Thanks for pointing out my ever-red nose, bud.)
_____________________
Yesterday morning I told Carrie to go take her pull up off and put on a pair of underwear. A few moments later she returned with a pair of my underwear in her hands.
"MOM! Look at these really big underwears!"
_____________________
This morning we were hanging out in my room so I could get a few things done.
Me: "Carrie - where're you going?"
Carrie: "Downstairs"
Me: "No, you can't go down there by yourself. You need to stay up here with me."
Carrie: "Uh..no. I don't want to be with you anymore." So matter of fact.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
2012
Two Thousand Twelve. Well that was quick. Some years seem to never end (can we say 2011?) but others are gone in a matter of blinks. I don't even remember much of this year. I honestly cannot tell you what happened prior to Benjamin's birth in April. I chalk it up to pregnancy brain, but it's a tad disturbing. Even in the months that have followed, I'm hard pressed to come up with much in the way of memories this year. I thought I might make a "Best Of" list or a "My Favorite Memories", but there really just aren't any. Oh we had lots of fun! And we've been busy. I just can't remember doing what.
Perhaps it's best to consider where we are at this moment and where I'm headed as we click the google calendar arrow to 2013. We are now a family of six. Our table is full and our family complete. I will not fight my way through newborn nights or nurse another wee one. For this I give thanks. Benjamin received a booster seat for Christmas that clips to a dining room chair and so he has joined us officially at the table for meals. Daniel scooted down one seat to make room and so we complete the circle. It is good.
The older kids are making their way through the grade school years. In this I am learning new things as a mom. The first is to foster independence, which means sometimes they fall. It means their work is their work, not mine they traced. It means I help but don't give answers, even though it's tempting. It means - most of the time - I don't bring forgotten items to the school. And it means I (try to?) model respect for their teacher, even when I don't agree with her. The second is to allow each child to be who they are. To foster their talents and give them opportunities when possible, but not to push. This means honest conversations about what they enjoy and the pace at which they can maintain a peaceful steadiness. Brenna, in particular, does not like a frantic, busy life. This I must remember. And third, I am learning (or rather need to learn, as this will be ongoing) not to compare what we are doing as parents with what others are doing. I did not have so many insecurities as a first time mom because quite honestly Brenna was so far ahead of the norm that I rarely felt the need to compare. Now, since we've moved into the school community and - let's be honest - everything is all over facebook, it's gotten harder to be confident. I try to set up my white picket fence and let our decisions be what's best for our family, but I still get that nagging worry that my kids are missing out because everyone else is doing such and such. There are kids who seem to literally do it all - mine wouldn't even like that, and yet it still causes me to wonder. So this too, is something I am learning and will continue to wrestle with in the new year. School is good.
It's been a whole year and two months and I am still in love with our church. In fact I so enjoy being there that occasionally I stay for both services. I got brave this year and taught our Sunday School class. It was a lot of work, but fun. I decided to volunteer again in the spring. The people of our church are so real and they have blessed our family in more ways this year than I could ever write. Sometimes it's with gifts. Sometimes it's with friendship. Sometimes it's with empathy and encouragement. Or time. They are honest and true to their beliefs, even when those beliefs conflict with someone else's. I've continued to be amazed at how amicably they can disagree! These people are pouring into my kids. And I do mean pouring - as in a steady, thick stream. It almost seems as if God has appointed each of my kids a handful of adults (and a teen or two) to specifically love on them. It's neat how different people just seem to connect with each kid. We feel blessed and church is good.
There are two things in my life in particular that are all me. One is work and the other is bread. The true tension of work is that I love being there, but when I walk back in the house I see all the things I didn't do because I wasn't home. That probably won't change over the coming year. And that's ok. The kids do things with Daddy that Mommy never lets them do (play dough, paints, crack eggs, cook,...) so I guess it's ok if it takes me two days to catch back up. I am selling bread to about four families consistently now. I don't think I can handle much more unless I make bread for our family on a different day. There are just too many interruptions - lunch, bottles, bus stop, dinner, dishes, etc - to get more than 8 loaves in a day. Sometimes I can do 12 if I stretch it into the evening. But this whole bread thing has led us to so much information about our food in this country and we've been challenged to make changes. Most of the time we drink water now, rather than sweet tea. We switched to real butter, always. We are buying local eggs every other week. We've upped our fruits and veggies. We pop our own popcorn on the stove, and don't really care for microwave popcorn anymore. I think this will continue as we learn more and enjoy the changes we make. Work and bread are good.
Besides mom, my other big title is "Mrs." These lyrics from Dust On the Bottle come to mind, "Some say good love, well it's like a fine wine, It keeps getting better as the days go by...There might be a little dust on the bottle, It's one of those things that gets sweeter with time". Reflecting on nearly fourteen years, I'd have to agree. Leaning into God's design for marriage has made a huge impact in our relationship over the last few years - at least from my perspective. We are still learning, but the 'off days' are fewer and farther between. We are more unified now than ever before and that helps so much in setting boundaries around our family and in our decision making. We laugh. We love. And we enjoy life. Together. We just do whatever it takes. Sometimes that's a lot. Sometimes it's easier. Always it's good.
Stepping in to 2013 is exciting. We'll be partying and trying to keep Daniel awake. I am incredibly thankful for the relatively peaceful year that 2012 was in our home. (Perhaps because I can't remember the chaos?) I have just a few goals aside from what's above for 2013.
1. to finish Carrie's quilt - for pete sake I'm at three years already.
2. to find my way into a new normal, now that I have four kids
3. to finish my 1000 gifts list
4. to figure out which things are important and which need to be let go - and to be confident in those decisions, as there will be many of them.
Perhaps it's best to consider where we are at this moment and where I'm headed as we click the google calendar arrow to 2013. We are now a family of six. Our table is full and our family complete. I will not fight my way through newborn nights or nurse another wee one. For this I give thanks. Benjamin received a booster seat for Christmas that clips to a dining room chair and so he has joined us officially at the table for meals. Daniel scooted down one seat to make room and so we complete the circle. It is good.
The older kids are making their way through the grade school years. In this I am learning new things as a mom. The first is to foster independence, which means sometimes they fall. It means their work is their work, not mine they traced. It means I help but don't give answers, even though it's tempting. It means - most of the time - I don't bring forgotten items to the school. And it means I (try to?) model respect for their teacher, even when I don't agree with her. The second is to allow each child to be who they are. To foster their talents and give them opportunities when possible, but not to push. This means honest conversations about what they enjoy and the pace at which they can maintain a peaceful steadiness. Brenna, in particular, does not like a frantic, busy life. This I must remember. And third, I am learning (or rather need to learn, as this will be ongoing) not to compare what we are doing as parents with what others are doing. I did not have so many insecurities as a first time mom because quite honestly Brenna was so far ahead of the norm that I rarely felt the need to compare. Now, since we've moved into the school community and - let's be honest - everything is all over facebook, it's gotten harder to be confident. I try to set up my white picket fence and let our decisions be what's best for our family, but I still get that nagging worry that my kids are missing out because everyone else is doing such and such. There are kids who seem to literally do it all - mine wouldn't even like that, and yet it still causes me to wonder. So this too, is something I am learning and will continue to wrestle with in the new year. School is good.
It's been a whole year and two months and I am still in love with our church. In fact I so enjoy being there that occasionally I stay for both services. I got brave this year and taught our Sunday School class. It was a lot of work, but fun. I decided to volunteer again in the spring. The people of our church are so real and they have blessed our family in more ways this year than I could ever write. Sometimes it's with gifts. Sometimes it's with friendship. Sometimes it's with empathy and encouragement. Or time. They are honest and true to their beliefs, even when those beliefs conflict with someone else's. I've continued to be amazed at how amicably they can disagree! These people are pouring into my kids. And I do mean pouring - as in a steady, thick stream. It almost seems as if God has appointed each of my kids a handful of adults (and a teen or two) to specifically love on them. It's neat how different people just seem to connect with each kid. We feel blessed and church is good.
There are two things in my life in particular that are all me. One is work and the other is bread. The true tension of work is that I love being there, but when I walk back in the house I see all the things I didn't do because I wasn't home. That probably won't change over the coming year. And that's ok. The kids do things with Daddy that Mommy never lets them do (play dough, paints, crack eggs, cook,...) so I guess it's ok if it takes me two days to catch back up. I am selling bread to about four families consistently now. I don't think I can handle much more unless I make bread for our family on a different day. There are just too many interruptions - lunch, bottles, bus stop, dinner, dishes, etc - to get more than 8 loaves in a day. Sometimes I can do 12 if I stretch it into the evening. But this whole bread thing has led us to so much information about our food in this country and we've been challenged to make changes. Most of the time we drink water now, rather than sweet tea. We switched to real butter, always. We are buying local eggs every other week. We've upped our fruits and veggies. We pop our own popcorn on the stove, and don't really care for microwave popcorn anymore. I think this will continue as we learn more and enjoy the changes we make. Work and bread are good.
Besides mom, my other big title is "Mrs." These lyrics from Dust On the Bottle come to mind, "Some say good love, well it's like a fine wine, It keeps getting better as the days go by...There might be a little dust on the bottle, It's one of those things that gets sweeter with time". Reflecting on nearly fourteen years, I'd have to agree. Leaning into God's design for marriage has made a huge impact in our relationship over the last few years - at least from my perspective. We are still learning, but the 'off days' are fewer and farther between. We are more unified now than ever before and that helps so much in setting boundaries around our family and in our decision making. We laugh. We love. And we enjoy life. Together. We just do whatever it takes. Sometimes that's a lot. Sometimes it's easier. Always it's good.
Stepping in to 2013 is exciting. We'll be partying and trying to keep Daniel awake. I am incredibly thankful for the relatively peaceful year that 2012 was in our home. (Perhaps because I can't remember the chaos?) I have just a few goals aside from what's above for 2013.
1. to finish Carrie's quilt - for pete sake I'm at three years already.
2. to find my way into a new normal, now that I have four kids
3. to finish my 1000 gifts list
4. to figure out which things are important and which need to be let go - and to be confident in those decisions, as there will be many of them.
Monday, December 03, 2012
Eight Hundred Fifty Nine Through Eight Hundred Seventy Eight
I finally found time for blogger and it's a Monday to boot! Everyone keeps telling me I need to cut myself a little slack, but I just cannot get my mind around how busy we are! Over the last two days I've been emailing with a friend I haven't seen in at least a year and a half. We are trying to get our families together for a little while one evening. I wrote out our schedule for the next two weeks and literally just shook my head. No wonder I'm not blogging. No wonder I'm not reading. No wonder Carrie's quilt isn't getting done...
But I'm here and it's Monday and the list shall go on!
I am truly thankful for these blessings and many more-
859. Dinner with wonderfully, good, long-time, forever friends
860. onions
861. Ben's planks/push ups
862. Christmas lights
863. independent kids
864. our Advent readings
865. Daniel's success in reading
866. just being so happy in my life
867. new friends at church
868. surprises in the mail, even when they aren't for me
869. the anticipation of a new neice or nephew this week
870. special friends who love my kids
871. getting the whole family all dressed up for a Christmas event
872. that our dentist genuinely cares about my family
873. lower interest rates
874. Carrie's hugs
875. Michael's willing heart
876. the end of another successful Bible study
877. stockings hung from the mantle
878. Christmas surprises
But I'm here and it's Monday and the list shall go on!
I am truly thankful for these blessings and many more-
859. Dinner with wonderfully, good, long-time, forever friends
860. onions
861. Ben's planks/push ups
862. Christmas lights
863. independent kids
864. our Advent readings
865. Daniel's success in reading
866. just being so happy in my life
867. new friends at church
868. surprises in the mail, even when they aren't for me
869. the anticipation of a new neice or nephew this week
870. special friends who love my kids
871. getting the whole family all dressed up for a Christmas event
872. that our dentist genuinely cares about my family
873. lower interest rates
874. Carrie's hugs
875. Michael's willing heart
876. the end of another successful Bible study
877. stockings hung from the mantle
878. Christmas surprises
Monday, November 12, 2012
Carrie's Sweet Side
After months of sharing what has jokingly become called "The Badness of Carrie", it is finally time to show her sweet side. It came at Daniel's expense, but it was precious none the less.
Last night we were in the midst of that daily routine called bedtime when the tears started rolling. Last night was a little different because in addition to making lunches, taking showers, finding book bags, and getting pjs on, we also had to pick out clothes for picture day and sign report cards. It was a bit hectic. I had sent Daniel upstairs to find a nice shirt to wear for pictures. One with a collar. And some buttons. No t-shirts. Must be clean. Even though we no longer buy school pictures, I wanted him to look nice for the yearbook. It's important right?
What happened next isn't entirely clear. His dresser is wobbly and, though it isn't the one with the tip-over record, it doesn't exactly inspire confidence that it'll stay upright while you search for a shirt. Plus half the handles are missing. Michael and I were in the room under Daniel's when we heard a huge crash. Now, this is not really unusual. I often think he, or something he owns, is coming through the ceiling, but this one was definitely worth investigating. I followed Michael to the stairs where we looked up to see Daniel sobbing on the landing. I mean big tears and he couldn't talk. He kept crying something that sounded like "my pinky, my pinky..." Anxious to get to him, I urged Michael up the steps, Carrie following right behind me.
On the floor in front of his dresser was a broken and shattered piggy bank.
My "pinky" was actually my "piggy". Apparently the dresser tipped just enough that the pig slid forward, fell onto the edge of the open drawer and shattered into hundreds of shards. The pieces and coins were everywhere. I knelt down on my knees and took Daniel on my lap while he mourned his piggy bank and Michael began cleaning up.
That's when we learned that Carrie has a heart. A big heart with a special place in it for her brother. She walked up beside him and put her hand gently on his shoulder. Then she leaned over to look him in the eye and said, "Daniel, I have a pink piggy bank in my room you can have." He was too upset to do more than shake his head so she backed up and sat on his bed for a minute. Then she reapproached him, offered a hug and said, "I'm sorry your piggy bank got broked."
Definitely a good start in mending her bad-girl reputation.
Last night we were in the midst of that daily routine called bedtime when the tears started rolling. Last night was a little different because in addition to making lunches, taking showers, finding book bags, and getting pjs on, we also had to pick out clothes for picture day and sign report cards. It was a bit hectic. I had sent Daniel upstairs to find a nice shirt to wear for pictures. One with a collar. And some buttons. No t-shirts. Must be clean. Even though we no longer buy school pictures, I wanted him to look nice for the yearbook. It's important right?
What happened next isn't entirely clear. His dresser is wobbly and, though it isn't the one with the tip-over record, it doesn't exactly inspire confidence that it'll stay upright while you search for a shirt. Plus half the handles are missing. Michael and I were in the room under Daniel's when we heard a huge crash. Now, this is not really unusual. I often think he, or something he owns, is coming through the ceiling, but this one was definitely worth investigating. I followed Michael to the stairs where we looked up to see Daniel sobbing on the landing. I mean big tears and he couldn't talk. He kept crying something that sounded like "my pinky, my pinky..." Anxious to get to him, I urged Michael up the steps, Carrie following right behind me.
On the floor in front of his dresser was a broken and shattered piggy bank.
 |
| What's left of it |
My "pinky" was actually my "piggy". Apparently the dresser tipped just enough that the pig slid forward, fell onto the edge of the open drawer and shattered into hundreds of shards. The pieces and coins were everywhere. I knelt down on my knees and took Daniel on my lap while he mourned his piggy bank and Michael began cleaning up.
That's when we learned that Carrie has a heart. A big heart with a special place in it for her brother. She walked up beside him and put her hand gently on his shoulder. Then she leaned over to look him in the eye and said, "Daniel, I have a pink piggy bank in my room you can have." He was too upset to do more than shake his head so she backed up and sat on his bed for a minute. Then she reapproached him, offered a hug and said, "I'm sorry your piggy bank got broked."
Definitely a good start in mending her bad-girl reputation.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Eight Hundred Fifty Eight All By Itself
One of the things I've learned and blogged about over the last few years is how to deal with fear. Deciding not to participate with fear has given me a strength I didn't know I had in many a situation. But as with anything we conquer, there are often set backs. They get weaker and fewer in number, but they come.
This morning I got an email that dropped a bucket of fear in my stomach. It's not important to know what it was about, only that it hit a weak spot in my world. A place I feel my family is tad vulnerable. I read the email twice and then forwarded it to Michael with a note asking him to help me not to panic. It was fear. I knew it was fear. And I played right along. I re-read the information at least four times. I refreshed the email page repeatedly waiting for Michael to write me back. I began creating multiple worst case scenarios in my mind and dwelling on them. It wasn't pretty.
In the midst of this, I checked my facebook and found the following in my newsfeed:
"Because today, when trying to remember just to breathe, you may need to: let go and lean. Lean back into Him. How to stop fears from stealing your joy."
Really? I mean how could I not click that? And as the music began to play and I began to read, I felt the fear slowly begin to diminish. I won't lie and say that it's gone. I'm still a bit anxious. But it's not debilitating. Instead, I'm choosing to believe that if this thing does happen, God will be there with us through every step of it. He'll help us find our way. We can lean on Him and surrender to the One who already knows. And while I'm at it, I can get a little perspective. It's not the end of the world. It's not even life changing. And it might not even happen.
I love when God sends a gift straight to my heart at exactly the moment needed for impact. Truly if I'd seen those words before the email came, I may never have clicked the link. I may never have read these words of reassurance meant for me today.
Today I'm going to lean. "Let go and lean back into Him.... The relief's in the release of everything into the hands of God. Isn't it all safer in His hands anyway?"
This morning I got an email that dropped a bucket of fear in my stomach. It's not important to know what it was about, only that it hit a weak spot in my world. A place I feel my family is tad vulnerable. I read the email twice and then forwarded it to Michael with a note asking him to help me not to panic. It was fear. I knew it was fear. And I played right along. I re-read the information at least four times. I refreshed the email page repeatedly waiting for Michael to write me back. I began creating multiple worst case scenarios in my mind and dwelling on them. It wasn't pretty.
In the midst of this, I checked my facebook and found the following in my newsfeed:
"Because today, when trying to remember just to breathe, you may need to: let go and lean. Lean back into Him. How to stop fears from stealing your joy."
Really? I mean how could I not click that? And as the music began to play and I began to read, I felt the fear slowly begin to diminish. I won't lie and say that it's gone. I'm still a bit anxious. But it's not debilitating. Instead, I'm choosing to believe that if this thing does happen, God will be there with us through every step of it. He'll help us find our way. We can lean on Him and surrender to the One who already knows. And while I'm at it, I can get a little perspective. It's not the end of the world. It's not even life changing. And it might not even happen.
I love when God sends a gift straight to my heart at exactly the moment needed for impact. Truly if I'd seen those words before the email came, I may never have clicked the link. I may never have read these words of reassurance meant for me today.
Today I'm going to lean. "Let go and lean back into Him.... The relief's in the release of everything into the hands of God. Isn't it all safer in His hands anyway?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)